Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
