Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
