I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
