He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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