My hand turned me down
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
