what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
