i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
