I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
