how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
