I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
