do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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