the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
