Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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