it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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