Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
