Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
