Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
