Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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