I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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