He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize