I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
