She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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