I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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