I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
