There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
