My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
