Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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