Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
