i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
4 words: hood of his car
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
