i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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