East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
how does that bad decision feel?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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