Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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