Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
