Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
