Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
