y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
