I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
