HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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