she smelled like a LAN party
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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