just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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