i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
