I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
