I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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