Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
