I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
