how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
