im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
