How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
