Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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