If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
