In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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