I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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