does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
