I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
