I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
