you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
