The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
