There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
