i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
