somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
