We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize