I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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