I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
