I wish I could teleport
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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