never play flip cup with pint glasses
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
