happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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