you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
