its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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