Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
