hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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