Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
