come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
