I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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