I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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