she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
