who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
