im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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