How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize