he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
