His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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