yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
