the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
handjob tips. give me some.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
