She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize