she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize