So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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