Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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