I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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