Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
