i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
